It’s been almost a month since we last talked about weight loss, heart issues and all that other stuff. Live and in person? I am thinking about it and working through junk every single day. So Jessi and I are back at it today. Be sure to head over there, too!
In March, I chose to do a whole30. There were lots of reasons that you can read right here. The quick summary is that I saddle EV.ER.Y.THING with weight loss and how much and how quick and then I don’t lose anything. It’s going to be a lifelong battle for me.
I want to lose weight. I feel better when I’ve lost weight. I’m tired of being caught in an endless cycle of failure. I know that’s not how God intends for me to live.
But. The whys aren’t always right. In many corners of my heart the whys are acceptance and approval and swallowing the big fat lies about success and your body that our culture eschews through every media outlet. I’m trying to migrate to a place where I aim to glorify God in all that I do including what I choose to eat to nourish my body AND the commentary I allow to run across my brain about my appearance. I want to be constantly moving in the direction of taking all things to Him instead of stuffing or applying an ill-fitting band-aid, whatever my pace or however much I falter. Also? Grace. Just grace in the midst of recalibrating my heart and mind.
So. Life after whole30? On a regular basis, I still stay away from grains and legumes and soy and sugar and sugar substitutes and dairy (except for the occasional sprinkle of parmesan cheese). I have come to call the times where I stray exceptions. I’ve enjoyed a few exceptions over the last three weeks. I’ve tried to keep them as unplanned as possible and as unobtrusive as possible. No getting lost down the rabbit hole for days on end after a piece or two of pizza. I’ve also emotionally eaten two paleo muffins. Womp womp. I’m still trying to figure out if paleo baked goods are exceptions but I’m pretty clear on when I’m running to food because I’m sad or tired. It’s kind of anti-climactic, right? TWO! PALEO! MUFFINS! (Gold star if you can identify the movie influence.)
It feels a little wobbly on this side of limiting my food intake so much. It appears that I’m in a sort of maze where I just have to figure out how food effects me and allow that to motivate my choices. I don’t really know where I’m going except that I still need to learn what it looks like to choose food for its nourishment value instead of its distraction abilities. And that is my plan. To examine and surrender every opportunity and failure with food. To continue to choose non-processed, healthy foods. To take captive any thought that doesn’t fit under the banner of Christ’s grace and love toward me. To be diligent and rise early and make active choices. Practically without all the writer speak: stay close to whole30, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes a day–three of those days being a jog (and I’d love to get consistent with some kind of resistance training, possibly HIIT) and confront emotional eating.
One tool I’d like to sharpen a bit is how I reward myself. Food is almost always a reward for hard work or a day gone off the rails because I deserve a treat after all of that. Instead, I’m going to try:A walk. Fresh flowers (bought or found). A book. A trip to the library. New nail polish. A coffee date (tea for me). Writing. A fresh list of fun things or hopes. Creating something.
What about y’all? Any good ideas for rewards? Are you in this maze with me?