what my dreams say about my heart.

twinklelightseason

On Sunday I opened up a magazine and put my feet up. I flipped through page after page until my eyes lighted on a candy bright Christmas tree.

It’s just barely turned fall here. And the city lights are already strung: wreaths and angels and candy canes and snowflakes (my girl’s favorite) hang from street lights. I’m fine with this because I know that in just over two months all of this merriment will be gone and I’ll feel a bit empty and wistful knowing that a whole year stretches out before the season of twinkle lights comes my way again. But when I was looking at that red and green, pine-needled tree, I was really thinking about my recurring dreams.

I’m in high school and I don’t have anywhere to sit in the lunchroom. Also? I forgot my lunch and I don’t have any cash.

I’m on a trip and I lost my hotel key. Also? I forgot my room number.

Everyone’s waiting and I end up being hours late. Also? I can’t find my hair dryer.

It’s Christmas and I’ve forgotten to water the tree. Also? It’s already Easter and I forgot to take the tree down.

My dreams say some things about my heart: I’m so afraid of being lost. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I dread being unprepared and looking weak. I’m really bad at remembering to water the tree. And? I just want a seat at the table.

My life is filled with tell-tale signs: I run ahead and make plans that I think will always get me where I want to go. I try my very hardest to be the best friend/mother/wife/daughter so that no one will ever know my imperfection. I make lists and check them all off one by one. I say yes too much because I’m afraid I’ll miss my chance.

If there were a way to speak into my dreams, to change my heart, I’d say this:

Lost people get found.

Disappointment makes room for grace.

Weakness showcases Strength.

There is a table always set by the King and we are invited.

And so I will say these things, these Truth things over and over and over again and I pray that they’ll prick dream deep.

What do you need to hear dream deep?

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14 thoughts on “what my dreams say about my heart.

  1. Mmmm…makes me think of Emily Freeman’s writings about the meaning behind dreams. :) I think we all have something we need to say to ourselves again and again, gentle nudges that will lead us to believe big truths. Thank you for your inspirational writing Ellen. :)

  2. Oh how I love this post and the three lines of truth that wash the whole mess away at the end! I frequently dream that I am flying around town and my breaks don’t work in my car! I also have the reoccurring dream that it’s the end of the college semester and I realized I never went to class, what do these say about me?? Love your words and the glory they bring to The Lord!

    • Oh, I forgot about the classes one. Or the one where I’m teaching again but have no lesson plans and haven’t read anything we’re studying. Maybe we’re afraid of missing out? Or failing? I’m thankful for YOU!

  3. Really helpful words, Ellen. Thank you. My worst dreams always have the theme of being aimless, floating, wandering, stuck, unable to get somewhere and so frustred; and I’m super afraid of just floating in real life, so scared of snapping to a realization one day that I’ve floated into a life that I didn’t want. Need to tell my dreams that the Truth is that the Lord will make a way forward and He has very good, very real plans for me.

  4. I love those four reminders and every single piece of this. I get it, I know this all too well. Thank you for reminding me of these truths that I find myself forgetting in the midst of doubt. So grateful for your gorgeous heart making a whole lot of beauty for Him out of honesty. You go girl.

  5. I love this. And I’ve been thinking a lot about dreams lately…weird. My recurrent dreams are usually that it’s a crazy final exam {like a college calculus final} and I haven’t been to class all semester. No matter what the specifics of the dreams are, the ones I remember are the ones with a theme of being panicked and unprepared and everyone realizing that I don’t know anything at all. I guess the truth anecdote to that one would be: “It’s gonna be okay.” : )

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