Well. Here are some real things: my house is turned upside down. Everything is topsy turvy. We decided to move our bedroom downstairs which I think we will really love. But I didn’t think about how I would have to upend most of my day and my routine and my things trying to figure out living in a much smaller room.
There’s a desk in the doorway between our den and dining room. We’re sleeping downstairs and getting ready upstairs because I haven’t figured out what to do with our clothes and a smaller closet.
Life keeps moving. There are new things I want to begin. There are failures entrenched in every day. It’s just life being messy as promised. Yesterday I sat at my dining room table and cried to my husband: I. Am. So. Behind. There’s this thing he does. He asks you questions in such a way that they punch your self pity in the gut.
Who says? Who says you’re behind?
I do. I say I’m behind. I say I’m not enough. I say I’m too slow. I say it should be faster. I say I should be able to do everything. I say I should be perfect.
Tonight I don’t have heavy thoughts about hope. I’m just trying to make an attempt at pretending to do the laundry. I’m just trying to get even one tiny thing done. But maybe you need to hear that, too? Who is telling you you’re behind? That you are hopeless? That you are not enough? Not God’s love. God’s love says that tomorrow is new and that no matter what you are favored and that good things are happening and that you are not stuck.