I have a confession to make. Sometimes I feel awful wistful for when my children were smaller.
It seems silly. We’ve reached the physically easy stage. The heart stuff? It’s difficult and unsure. But everyone can walk and talk and fix their own breakfast. They all sleep through the night. They initiate funny and insightful conversations. They are becoming themselves and it is a joy to watch.
But. We’ve chosen public school and that means rushing out each morning. Everyone is old enough to do some sort of after school event and that means more rushing and being away from home, even though this fall we’ve chosen to only sign our oldest up for afternoon activities to make room for transition for everyone else.
I remember how when they were little the day was stretched before me wide and open. We were together. We did sweet things to pass the time and my schedule was simpler. Somehow I am wishing for that.
I sat down yesterday with my head and my heart. I took a good long look at all of my remembering. It was a sweet season. It was also hard. I was forgetting that. I took a look at this season. It is hard. It is also sweet. I asked the Lord to help me step out from under the burden of my rosy cheeked selective remembering. I asked Him to open my eyes to real and rock solid goodness right here and now.
Somehow we hope in the past don’t we? We build these versions of ourselves that we feel sure we used to be. We feel sure we were better, stronger, sweeter and more lovely. If we could just rebuild that. But we were still broken, messy and needy. We can’t go back. Today. Today there is something good flowing down from God, covered in His character. That goodness, that bestness, covers whatever the season is today.
I’m praying I’ll hope present today.