for the should’ve beens and if onlys.

quiet. morning.

I just spent 30 minutes vacuuming the upstairs portion of our house.

No music. No consuming information. No noise. No voices. Everything drowned out by the whirring of plastic bristles spinning over decades old carpet.

In that sort of silence, my mind voice reveals what is really running underneath. And I’m sad to say that it was a good bit of should’ve beens and if onlys.

If I’d started 30 minutes earlier……

I shouldn’t have let the dust accumulate so long….

If only I were better at…..

Last year at this time I was working so very hard at running a handmade business. And now? I feel kind of guilty. It feels wrong.

I know. I know that a season of work is not wrong and that a season of rest is not wrong.

It’s just that underneath I can be consumed with doing it right. What if I’m not doing it right? What then?

But.

Grace.

Grace opens the door and pushes us out onto the cold doorstep with the crackling leaves. And there? We can just do it. Just be where God has placed us. What if we were less concerned with doing things the right way and instead we were consumed with being fully present where God has called us, trusting Him to lead us and to fill in the gaps?

I don’t have the answer, except that I want to get there.

You in?

Also! Sharp left turn: Monday is my birthday and I will have a present or two for y’all here. Big fat toothy grin.

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3 thoughts on “for the should’ve beens and if onlys.

  1. Love your question, “What if…less concerned with the right way…instead…consumed with being fully present where God has called us, trusting Him to lead us and fill in the gaps..”.Oh, amen! I seem to think, if I do it all right, there won’t be any gaps, and if there are, then obviously I have failed, missed the mark, made a mistake, misunderstood. No. As you so sweetly said, “Grace.” Deep breath of calm relief.
    And, happy birthday on Monday!!

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