whys and wherefores

Here’s what has changed: my heart.

I started 2011 with the gusto to take more risks. Grow my business. See just how much energy I could eek out of my life and into my little plant of a thing.

Here’s what I’ve learned: I am an artist. Not a businessperson.

Sometimes you have to be both. But sometimes you don’t.

Beautiful things have grown in me as I stretched to the far end of my boundary lines. I wouldn’t trade the things that have been added.

But a calling came stronger than the stretching.

Do you know what love is?

Love is releasing a perfectly good thing because it isn’t the best thing.

handmade recess (the shop, the shows) is a perfectly good thing. I am good at it, thankful for where it has gone this year.

But it is not the best thing.

Right now the best thing for me is to serve my family in love.

Right now the best thing for me is to turn in to the beautiful gift of my marriage. Please do not worry. We are better than ever. I just won’t take it for granted.

Right now the best thing for me is to lay a groundwork of grace and love in my children’s hearts so that they will never-not ever-doubt that they are loved and Loved.

Truth? It’s easier for me to focus on my gifts used in my business. Those made things? They do what I want them to. I feel more capable with them.

I don’t feel at all equipped for this season our family is in. We’ve entered the heart boundaries part of parenting and even though I’m not always physically worn out, my heart is heavy, heavy, heavy with these choices. It’s going to take all of my energy, this transforming. I don’t carry all the weight. I AM does. But, still, I must keep my focus.

There is laughter running through my mind right now as I imagine my husband reading this post. I’ve used 342 words to say this:

I am almost completely giving up handmade recess.

You can find my products at this amazing store in Atlanta, Georgia. And. I might have a little holiday shop if I feel like there is room come Christmas. I’ll still be pursuing my artistry. I’m just letting go of the burden of the business stuff. It was stealing too much of my heart.

This space? Will go on. It’s one of my favorite things that handmade recess has given me. Pursuing writing years after I studied it, packed it away, has brought me so much joy.

I’m not sure what to expect in this space, except that I l will live my life and then I will write and then I will post it here. Not the other way around. I said it last week: it’s my heart that this be a place where your failure-feeling is checked, where you find a kindred spirit, where you feel encouraged to always choose what is best no matter how afraid you are. And. Where you glory in the fact that you are clay.

And? Just one caveat: please know that this is my choice. It may not be yours. If you work out of the home (I still do…just differently), if you work away from home, if you stay at home, if you stand on your head 15 times a day? I think you are awesome. Ok?